‘In one way or another, I’ve always suffered. I didn’t know why, exactly.
But I do know that I’m not so scared of suffering now.
I feeI more than I’ve ever felt, and I’ve found someone to feel with, to pIay with, to love, in a way that feels right for me.
I hope he knows that I can see that he suffers too, and that I want to love him.’
Each cut, each scar, each burn, a different mood or time.
I told him what the first one was.
I told him where the second one came from.
I remembered them all.
And for the first time in my life, I felt beautiful.
Finally part of the earth.
I touched the soil and he loved me back.
I have learned a lot about myself over the years, a lot of scary stuff and I have definitely earned a lot of battle scars. This movie though, Secretary, it speaks my soul in a way that only my journal can. It doesn’t talk about God or what’s right or wrong or the politics around it. It is sensual and full of the broken-raw emotion that we call love.
I am in love. I have been for over 2 years. I struggle a lot with needing because when he isn’t there I feel downright lost. Yet, I have only cut myself once since we started, maybe because he forbid it, or maybe because in his telling me “no” I found a freedom to embrace my emotions in a way that I never was able to do.
I am definitely a multi-faceted soul and I feel like I am always in this state of self-discovery and I also find that it is through the love I have that opens me up to know myself.
The quote above comes from the movie and really, I could quote the whole film. I am not sure who the writer is but I think it is clear that they are very familiar with the feelings of being different, scared, scarred and broken.